Marriage Advice for Busy Couples

Today marks our first day in the 14 Days of Valentine’s Day gift giving challenge. Your first gift to the one you love? A backrub. Make this as simple or as extravagant as you want. Do it sitting on the couch watching TV or light candles and break out the massage oil. Whatever floats your boat, just do it, and come back and let us know that you did!

To get your cheat sheet of all of the 14 Days Gifts, subscribe and download it here!

Did you give today’s gift?

Today is our last day of our January focus, kiss your spouse. Have you all been kissing  daily? Had any positive changes because of it?

Tomorrow begins our countdown to Valentine’s Day, but because I’m all about the little things, don’t look here for a review of all of the expensive stuff, because I don’t have that kind of money so I don’t own it to review!

Our Valentine’s countdown is all about the little ways you can love your spouse without breaking your pockets. Each day I’ll send you a “gift” to give your spouse leading up to V-Day. But don’t worry, other than taking a little of your time, most of these gifts are FREE. (The ones that aren’t won’t be more than $5, I promise).

Are you up for it? Let us know in the comments. Tomorrow I’ll post your gifts list countdown.

If you haven’t subscribed to our email list, make sure you sign up so you don’t miss out!

I talk a lot here about time management, because its something that I can struggle with, and I know I’m not alone. As challenging as achieving that balance may be, it has to be there, or you won’t have the time you need to keep those connections strong between you and your family.

A fact: If you don’t respect your own time, no one else will. Respect for time, and how precious and finite it is, is vital to understanding how to relate to your own time, and that of other people. I’ve listed three ways to start learning to respect your time if you’re struggling in this area:

Determine what “urgent” means in your life and work. We all have different jobs where urgent may have different levels of meaning. Urgency for a brain surgeon may mean something different than urgency for a webmaster. I’m not suggesting that your urgency be any more or less important as it pertains to your job. I am saying that everything, no matter what your position in life, cannot fall into the category of urgent. Making all things extremely important means that 1) You’re never quite able to prioritize and 2) You’re never quite able to relax.

Stop making yourself accessible at all times. This was a lesson I had to learn during the year or so I spent working strictly freelance. Because I didn’t have “set” work hours, I gave clients an open door to contact me, pretty much whenever, and they did. I will admit that there was also a little part of me that was scared to lose clients by setting boundaries. It wasn’t until I realized that I was up on the phone until almost midnight talking about flyers that something had to change. I set hours, and lo and behold, everyone else adjusted accordingly. No matter what, you have to make time to be off limits.

Respect other people’s time. Treat other people how you want to be treated. Does your concern truly warrant interrupting someone else’s vacation, weekend, or family time? If it can be emailed, chances are the answer is no. Think about what would happen in an ideal world. In an ideal world we would be able to go to work and work and come home and make at least some time for our personal lives and families. If we start respecting our own time, and that of others, in that “ideal world” kind of way, maybe we can start taking the steps toward creating it.

Do you struggle to respect your own time? What steps can you take toward creating boundaries for yourself?

Check out some of my favorite posts from around the web this week

• Write your spouse a love letter. When was the last time you did this? Black and Married With Kids 
• Do your chores together; Make it a “work-date” and kill two birds with one stone. The Generous Wife
• Some cheap, romantic ideas for Valentine’s Day. Especially good if you might be spending the day at home. Dating at About 
• You’ve got babies! But dining out doesn’t have to be a catastrophe. Get tips. Mommyish
• Are you good and gifted? Then go on ahead and be that! Makes Me Wanna Holler 

Enough said.

They always say a picture is worth a thousand words. These speak volumes to me. Despite having lives on the front lines of nations and movements, despite all that may have been going on in their marriages and their lives, these photos to me are just love, pure and simple.  Happy MLK and Inauguration Day!

I’m not going to lie, I had my doubts about whether they youngest Braxton could come up with a song that I would enjoy. Love her voice, but her personality on the show…I just didn’t quite know what to expect. But I’m loving Tamar Braxton’s Love and War. She’s telling the truth! I’m sure every couple has been able to relate to this first verse:

Somebody said every day was gon’ be sunny skies,
Only Marvin Gaye and lingerie, I guess somebody lied
We started discussin’ it to fightin’ then don’t touch me please
Then it’s let’s stop the madness just come lay with me
And truth be told I’m wavin’ my flag before it goes bad yeah yeah
‘Cause we made it this far on for better or worse
I wanna feel it even if it hurts
If I gotta cry to get to the other side, let’s go ’cause we’re gon’ survive

Sannnng Tamar!

When readers write in looking for guidance from our audience, I make it a point to almost always share what they send. You never quite know what someone is dealing with, and the fact that they started somewhere looking for support means that hopefully they are taking one step in the right direction. Here’s a question from one of our readers this week. My husband and I both weighed in on what he had to say.

Reader: I am currently living with my mistress & my sons from a previous marriage in which I loved my previous wife with all my heart until she left me for another man & took our sons. I meet another woman who very loving with no kids who did not want to raise my sons, but was only willing to raise any children we have together as a family. I was not totally honest with her about everything. I had agreed to these terms & we got married & now I have abandoned her & my newborn for another woman who willing to raise my sons along with me. My mother died on the same day that I took half of my stuff from my wife house & I do not care how she feels anymore. I just want to be happy.  My wife still loves me but I told it is too late. I told my wife at first I wanted marriage counseling but now I do not want it.  I just play with her head and heart until I could get my stuff set up from me to move out. She did tow her car from the other woman house but I still told her I loved her and was in love with her just so that I would have a place to hold me clothes until I was ready to move the rest of my item.  I took the wedding DVD & I have called my wife or paid anymore bills to help them because she got family that can her. I do like the fact that I have children with three different women.  I am so unhappy with my life

I Say… It sounds to me as though you are dealing with some serious issues that you need serious help with. I am not a counselor, but I do suggest that you seek counseling, if not marriage counseling with your wife then counseling for yourself to deal with what is making it so easy for you to hurt other people without caring. No matter what you are dealing with emotionally, it is not okay for you to simply abandon your wife and child with no remorse and to “play with her head” to get what you want. I don’t know what kind of woman would marry a man knowing he had children and agree to marry him on the condition that she not have to raise his kids, but regardless of your feelings for her, you have a newborn child with this woman and it is not okay for you to just pick up and leave without addressing that responsibility. You are unhappy with your life because the actions that you’re taking are selfish, and you will never be happy with your life until you  whatever you need to do now to get your mind and your heart together to be a man, be there for your newborn and deal with your marriage without running away to another woman and abandoning your commitment to your wife and child.

He Says…Do the right thing and go back to your wife.  You married her knowing how she felt about raising the kids and now that’s become an issue and you want to change your mind. Sounds like your problem. She has to compromise too and realize that your kids will be around.

Do you have any advice for our reader? Weigh in!

If you have a question and would like to get feedback, contact us through our online form or email info@makingloveinthemicrowave.com . We share all questions anonymously. 

In our Making Love at Work profiles, we feature husbands, wives and couples who are working hard to strike a balance between love, family, work and everything else… just like all of us! We haven’t had a Making Love at Work profile in a while on the site, so I’m excited to welcome Kanesha Morrison, a young wife, student and mother of two who founded the company Blingy Girl Things, which specializes in custom t-shirts and other fashion products. Kanesha has been married for three years and has two children, ages 3 and 1. Read on to find out what Kanesha had to say about finding balance in the midst of it all.

Q: Tell me about your company and the roles that both of you play.

K: I own Blingy Girl Things. We are a rhinestone boutique that specializes in things that bling. We mainly sell rhinestone t-shirts, but we have lots more product that we offer. We also take custom orders as well. I have lots of emails, phone calls and paperwork that goes into the everyday duties. I am ALWAYS looking for ways to market. Anything to get our name out there more to the people. My hubby helps soo much! He does the rhinestoning, he will press a shirt, he packages the order, takes the packages to the post offices, just anything I need him to do. He is always there. I feel bad for him a lot of time because he works 60 hours a week and still has to come home and help with my business. I know sometimes he wants to say ‘Really? Do I really have to help?’ But he does without complaining.

Q: What motivated you to start your own business?

K: I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I still needed to make money to help make life easier on my husband. I honestly did not go into this thinking it was a business. I thought it was a business, but I was treating it like it was hobby. In 2013 I am making BOSS moves and treating this business like the empire I know it will be.

Q: You said that you are going to school full time? What are you getting your degree in and what do you plan to do with it when school is complete?

K: I am a Senior at the University of Oklahoma. I am taking up Administrative Leadership.  I knew this major would help me in my business with my future employees. I want to grow them and develop them not just be a boss. I have thought about going to beauty school once I am finished with this degree to branch into something else to expand my current business.

Q: How do you make time for your spouse when dealing with the multiple demands of work, children, and school?

K: Every night I am done working at 10:00. From 10:00 to whatever time he goes to sleep that is his time. My ringer is off, my computer is shut down and I am all his. He has to know he is just as important to me as this business. If he and I are not, my whole life is not right. If I need like he needs more time than that I plan a couple’s trip. We go to the in-laws, go on a date while at the in-laws and we just connect. Also every day that he works we have “lunch” together. He goes to lunch and calls me while on lunch. I’m eating in his ear and he is eating in mine, but it works for us. I do not answer beeps or anything. That is his time.

Q: What is the number one thing parents need to remember when managing multiple roles?

K: You have to remember it is not quantity it is quality. Parents look so much at when they are not there and do not l cherish the time when they are together. Take the little free times to bond. Having all my hats I am wife first, mommy second. That works for us. Each child is different, so your parenting style has to cater to your child.

Q: What’s your favorite way to relax?

K:  I love to read and spend time at the spa. If funds are tight or I am on a tight budget I love a Cosby Show Marathon.

To find out more about Blingy Girl Things, Like the page on Facebook and follow Kanesha on Twitter @themoneymama.

How are you and your spouse balancing it all? To be featured in our next Making Love at Work, contact us at info@makingloveinthemicrowave.com.