I asked for your questions about me, the book, or anything else you wanted to ask and received them. I promised to answer, so come learn a little more about me!
How did you get started writing? I have loved to write for as long as I can remember and it came completely out of loving to read. Some of my earliest memories of writing are from when I was in second grade. I had gotten really into V.C. Andrews books, which looking back were incredibly inappropriate for my age (Why was I reading Flowers in the Attic at age 7!). I started writing my own little sequels to the different novels in the series. Over the years, I had amazing family and teachers that recognized that I had a knack for it and continued to encourage me to grow in that area.
What made you start your blog? Making Love in the Microwave is actually the 4th blog I’ve started. I started blogging about 10 years ago through personal blogs just to motivate myself to write on a regular basis. In 2009, I began writing for the blog Black and Married with Kids and it was one of the best things that I’ve done professionally. I had been a “blogger” for a while by then, but writing for and working with BMWK taught me the business of blogging and gave me great mentors who showed me that not only can you do what you love, you can make a living doing what you love. After two years of writing for BMWK, I decided to create Making Love in the Microwave.
Why Making Love in the Microwave? Because the phrase popped into my head one day and I couldn’t shake it. True story. It probably took me almost a year to decide what I was going to do with it. But once the purpose came to me I decided to create it because I thought it addressed a key piece that was missing in looking at other marriage sites: something that focused on practical, actionable advice for busy couples.
How do you find time to write, take care of a family and take care of yourself? It’s hard. I still work full time outside the home and do other freelance writing projects. But I try my best to make it so that my writing isn’t competing with my family life. During the week I wake up early to write before everyone else gets up. I have marathon writing sessions when I can, so I’ll wake up on Saturday morning and write from 5:30 until about noon so that I have the rest of the day for my family. I try not to do any work on Sundays. I still get enough sleep most of the time, and I exercise every day, even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes. I try to combine some things together; for instance, when I take my son to the playground I’ll jump rope while he’s there or chase after him on his bike. I would be lying if I said it was easy, but I do my best to make it work.
What gurus do you follow to get food for thought? BMWK, Relationships Work, The Generous Wife, Good Enough Mother, Rage Against the Minivan, there are too many to name. I am always reading and finding out new ways to do things. There are a lot of folks out there who are doing this so much better than I am, and I want to learn from them whenever I can.
How do you manage co-parenting and a blended family? My daughter’s dad and I are both now married (not to each other!) with other children. We have built a system that isn’t flawless but it works. It takes a lot of communication, respect and touching base with each other all of the time. That didn’t just happen organically, we had to intentionally create that environment. But at the end of the day, everyone’s goal is that she thrive, so when her well-being becomes the focus, it’s easier for everything else to fall into place.
How do you know when you’ve found your mate? I don’t know! I was never good at dating. I can only speak for myself when it came to knowing that my husband was the one for me. There was never just this one moment, when I was suddenly like “yes, he’s the one!” We went through a lot together early on and from that I saw his level of commitment to our relationship. I think that it really comes down to knowing fully how that person views commitment and what they are willing to do to make it work.
Has your marriage benefited from Making Love in the Microwave? That would be a good question for my husband-lol. I think it’s benefited in two ways. One, I have to be authentic. I can’t be out here telling you about things that work if I haven’t tried them myself, so I’m constantly more aware of whether I’m living what I’m teaching. Second, it’s made my life even busier than it was before. It takes a lot of work to keep up with the blog, so because I’m even more busy, I have to be even more committed to practicing what I preach.
What can readers expect to gain from following your blog and/or reading the book? I hope that readers will see that it is the little actions that you take every day that make a huge difference in your relationship. Just quietly listening to what someone has to say. Really greeting your spouse when he or she gets home. Doing extra to take something off of your spouse’s plate. Those little gestures can be overlooked, but love isn’t just a feeling. You love someone by expressing it through your actions each and every day.
What makes your blog/book any different from the other gabillion blog/books that deal with the same/similar topics? Three things: One) Every thought or piece of advice is tied to a practical action. I am not just speaking in broad terms like respect and commitment, but instead giving real steps on how to create those things in your marriage: how do you show that respect and that commitment and intimacy in very practical ways. Two) Microwave=fast. Most of the actions in this book are designed to take less than 15 minutes. Through this book, you will learn not to keep saying “I don’t have the time to connect, I don’t have the time to do better.” This is to show that you don’t always need a complete overhaul, or a huge undertaking. The focus really is on the small things that make a big difference. Three) I’m not speaking as an expert, I’m speaking from the perspective of someone who is in the trenches with you. All of the ideas that you find in this book are things that I have actually tried or experienced. It is a a different perspective because I’m speaking 100 percent from having done the things that I’m talking about, and sharing what’s worked and what hasn’t.
What is your ultimate vision for Making Love in the Microwave? My ultimate vision is to get completely in line with what God has called me to do through this platform. Maybe that sounds a little lofty, but especially as a blogger, so much is about traffic, views, internet fame etc., that’s it’s easy to get completely caught up in the attention and the pursuit of money that you lose sight of what was at the heart of your mission. I want to be true to my purpose and my craft. I love to write, I have a voice and am blessed that people continue to listen to it. I don’t know whether that voice is supposed to be heard by millions or just be encouraging for a few, but I pray daily that God continue to allow me to use my talents in a way that pleases Him.
Anything else? I’ll answer whatever you have! Comment with your questions.