Last winter my job sent me to a conference for a week in Boston. And while I missed my guy, I got better sleep over those four nights than I’ve gotten in the last six years.
My husband is a snorer. And when I say he’s a snorer, I mean that when we lived in a townhouse I could tell that he had fallen asleep on the couch as I walked up to the door because I could hear him snoring outside. It’s a problem. A real one. But I didn’t realize how much essentially sleeping next to a chainsaw was affecting my sleep because I had gotten so used to it.
On top of him being a snorer, he’s also a mover. I can’t count the number of elbows I’ve taken to my head and neck. He manages to ruin the covers in ways that I didn’t think possible. Just last night I woke up in the middle of the night because he had somehow flipped the comforter completely over to the scratchy side. How does that happen? The flat sheet? Couldn’t even find it.
Before I got married, I remember an older coworker of mine who had been married for 30+ years saying that at some point she and her husband had toyed with the idea of separate bedrooms. Newly-engaged, I couldn’t even fathom not wanting to spend every night side by side. These days, while I think that I would still want to share a bed with him most of the time. It would be nice to know that I had options if a sound sleep was one of my goals.
At the same time, the bed at the end of the day is somewhere that we can unwind with each other and just be close if we hadn’t had the opportunity all day long. I wouldn’t want sleeping apart to affect our intimacy.
At present, we don’t have an extra bedroom, so it really is a non-issue and something I toss around in my mind when he’s snoring and I’m thinking “If I could just kill you for like 15 minutes while I fall asleep” (I’m sorry, these are thoughts of the sleep deprived). But if we ever go for a home upgrade, I can’t say that I wouldn’t be tempted.
What do you think? Is having separate bedrooms wrong or sometimes a necessary evil? How do you deal with sleep differences between you and your spouse?