27 September 2012 ~ 4 Comments

Stop Digging in Your Heels: Meet Your Spouse Where He Is

Wife kicks of work heels when she gets home

In marketing, we talk often about “meeting your client where he is, meaning that you promote to your target audience in the places they tend to “hang out.” If your target audience is age 18-24, you advertise to them at colleges instead of advertising in the senior citizens home and wondering why you aren’t getting any clients there.

I was reminded of this concept recently as I sat inside the house, lamenting the fact that with summer and now a beautiful fall my husband seems to be spending so much more time outdoors and so much less time inside with me. Every day he comes home, fires up the grill, and sits outside, listening to music, cooking, or having long conversations with the neighbors.

Meanwhile, a lifetime of seasonal allergies and a predisposition to attracting every mosquito within a one-mile radius has trained me to opt for the indoors, even on days when I may not have to deal with either one.

But my husband enjoys being outside. He likes cooking on the grill. So instead of nagging him to come to me, I know that sometimes I have to take my Claritin, spray on the bug repellent and join him where he is out in the yard.

Today’s challenge is to think of where you can meet your spouse where he or she is, whether that meeting is emotional or very practically where he or she physically is. I’m not suggesting that you barge into the man cave on poker night, or sit tub-side while your wife is shaving, but think of an area where you’ve been digging in your heels and think about how your marriage would benefit if you instead took a few steps in your spouse’s direction.

Do you and your spouse tend to “hang out” in different places? What steps can you take to start meeting your spouse where he or she is?



4 Responses to “Stop Digging in Your Heels: Meet Your Spouse Where He Is”

  1. kat 28 September 2012 at 11:05 am Permalink

    Thank you for this. Hubby works and lives away from home with a small Christian family he rents a room from. The family welcomes the children and I, but it is hard work to arrange dog sitting, pack up 4 small children, drive down there and deal with my introvertedness with a house full of extroverts. But, it means the world to hubby when I do.

    • Aja Jackson 28 September 2012 at 4:01 pm Permalink

      That does sound very difficult. But I’m sure when you, your hubby and your kids look back on this time you’ll be grateful for the time you were able to spend together, uncomfortable or not. Thanks so much for your reply!

  2. acopswife 1 October 2012 at 12:00 pm Permalink

    How do I meet my husband in his depression? How do I meet him in his intense friendship with another woman that I don’t know? How do I meet him in friendships I don’t share, in video games I can’t play (paid subscription), or in his extreme dedication for a career that brings him purpose but no joy? I feel lost and lonely. He won’t come to where I am (it is too plain & boring vanilla) and I can’t go where he is because he walls me out. I want this, but I don’t know how.

    • Aja Jackson 1 October 2012 at 4:26 pm Permalink

      @87df3c891fbe0862bc6b350b562ab53b:disqus first let me say that I am so sorry that you are going through this. It has to be the hardest thing to be trying so hard with another person and feeling like you are getting nowhere. I am not a counselor, but if he is willing I would suggest some sort of counseling, starting with wherever he feels comfortable whether through church or a professional counselor.

      Also, outside of that, please take time to focus on making sure you are taking care of yourself, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, as much as you can through this time. Nourish yourself by finding those things that make you happy as an individual. Seek counseling on your own, support from family and friends or other groups so that you can find strength and don’t have to deal with the pain alone.

      I appreciate your post, and am praying for you and your family.

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