In celebration of both our wedding anniversary and the blog’s anniversary coming up next month, all month we’ll be posting from guest bloggers and readers finishing the statement “I wish I had known…” with lessons they wished they could have learned before walking down the aisle. Today I’m starting with my own! If you have something you wish you had known, please email it to firstname.lastname@example.org to be included in the lineup!
Early on, there were nights we spent up literally all night going back and forth, some with me crying cranky baby tears, because there was no way that I was going to shut my eyes without knowing that whatever issue we were having was solved first. What I learned from those nights is that 1) If you’re watching the sunrise and angry about it, something has gone wrong and 2) Some nights you might have to go to bed angry if you ever want to go to bed at all.
I don’t know about every other couple out there, but for us, sometimes the issue wouldn’t get “solved” that night to either of our satisfactions, so instead of going to bed happy, we would still end up going to bed angry, much later than we should have. Getting no sleep the night before combined with whatever we were angry about in the first place just made us angrier the next day.
Let me just say that if one thing can motivate me to change things for the better, it’s a lack of sleep. Sleep is just a smidgen below my family on my short list of things that I will not sacrifice. I haven’t yet seen the dollar sign you could put in front of my face to live life in a state of constant sleep-deprived bitchiness. As such, I knew there had to be some alternative that fell between “argue all night” and “never go to bed angry.”
So what do we do instead? We talk about it, and if we haven’t hashed it all out by bed time, we agree to disagree for the moment and say goodnight. I’m not always happy when I close my eyes. Knowing that, somehow, anger never affects S’s visits to dreamland can make it a struggle not to make my tossing and turning just a little bit more, ahem, noticeable. But in addition to recognizing that all issues can’t be solved in an evening, I’ve learned that sometimes it’s good to sleep on it and find what new perspective a good chunk of shut-eye can bring.
Do you adhere to “never go to bed angry” or do you sometimes go to bed mad?