28 September 2012 ~ 0 Comments

I wish I Had Known That Winning the Battle Doesn’t Mean Winning the War

Today we’re back with another installment of the “I Wish I Had Known” series with bloggers from around the web talking about what they wish they knew about marriage back when they walked down the aisle. today we hear from Patricia Taylor of Life of a Minister Mom. 

Wife yelling at husband

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to solving problems, making plans, and organizing my home, I like the feeling of knowing that my way is the “right” way. I remember acknowledging this trait during marriage counseling, and my Pastor (who doesn’t skimp on the reality check) warned that the need to be correct in every situation wouldn’t serve a positive purpose in terms of keeping peace in a marital (or any) relationship. At the time I eagerly heeded this advice, and only seeing stars and butterflies when I lovingly gazed into my honey’s eyes made it a reasonably easy task.

Then we said “I Do”, began living this marriage out daily, and my desire to win every battle began rearing its ugly head.It started with the small things. The way I fold the laundry is faster and takes up less space than when my husband does it, so I must be right. The dishes are cleaner after I run the dishwasher because of how I’ve meticulously arranged them, and once again I prevail! Even our daughter is more comfortable after I’ve put her diaper on with perfection, but don’t worry dear, I won’t rub it in…The list goes on and on, but does any of this sound familiar?

The problem is these minor things turn into bigger issues, and when things don’t go your way it leads to arguments and tension. Before you know it, both of your ears will be ringing with words of disappointment and frustration. You don’t listen to me. I’m not appreciated. You just don’t see how hard I’m working! It’s a painful pill to swallow, but I realized that I allowed disruption and chaos to infiltrate my marriage, all because I wanted to win.

The truth of the matter is that conceding to your spouse doesn’t signify defeat. It means that you love that person enough to let go of your pride for them. Seems reasonable to me! Think about it. Is the need to control every single solitary thing worth more than making peace and joy a priority in your home?

From personal experience I can tell you that whatever you think you’ll lose after admitting you’re wrong, is nothing compared to driving a wedge between you and the one you love. Pride truly does come before the fall, but if you’re willing to lose some more battles, and swallow a huge slice of humble pie, the war in your marriage will give way to a happy and healthy home.

Are you creating little battles in your home that may become a “war?” Today’s challenge is to find at least one area where you are determined to be “right” and practice giving up some control. 

Patricia A. Taylor is an author who shares her adventures in motherhood, and lessons in faith through a very transparent lens. As she learns to balance her role as a minister, wife and mom, her hope is that her experiences will resonate with you and provide opportunities for spiritual and relational growth. Please join her in the journey of her Life as a Minister Mom!

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