Marriage Advice for Busy Couples

Today we’re welcoming Driana Branch, of Wedding Night Bliss, as a guest blogger. When I heard about her Christian Sex Classes, you know I had to find out what they were all about. Listen to her tell it in her own words. 

For some reason, Christian people have gotten it into their heads that sex is bad. Now, before you write me off as not being a Christian, I am! Not only am I a Christian, I actually did what the bible said. You know that little thing about not having sex until marriage? Yeah, that! So, I fully support the notion that sex BEFORE marriage is bad. But somewhere along the line, I think that we got the idea that we’re not supposed to talk about sex, like it’s this forbidden topic to keep to ourselves. And this, of course, inadvertently implies that it’s bad.

Now, I’m not talking about telling your girlfriends all the details of your sex life. We all know that’s a no-no. (If you didn’t know that, you should!) I’m talking about, Christian wives being able to talk openly with other Christian wives about sex, without going into too much detail, of course. Or Christian wives, really talking to the engaged young ladies about what to expect on their wedding night and beyond. Why is, “Don’t worry, baby! It will all come naturally!” the response of choice? If that were true, it would be another story. But you know what’s actually the truth? Women are being disappointed on their wedding nights. They expect this great moment, and that’s not what they’re getting. You know what’s worse? Women who worked so hard to stay abstinent end up not enjoying sex, and possibly questioning whether abstinence is still a great choice. That maybe it doesn’t work for the modern world?

I’ve talked to many, many ladies who’ve experienced this. And that’s why I started my business, Wedding Night Bliss, which gives Wedding Night Prep and Married Sex Prep classes to Virgin and Abstinent Brides. (Basically, they’re Christian, sex classes.) After starting Wedding Night Bliss, I’ve gotten many emails from married, Christian women who wish that I started this back when they got married. Lots of them tell me how they had trouble in their sex life early in their marriage, but many of them tell me how they are STILL having trouble in their sex life. How sad! If they had some education ahead of time, I bet they could have avoided years of arguments, and the fear of getting cheated on because hub isn’t sexually fulfilled. For the record, there are very practical and learnable ways to have blessed, hot and sexy, married sex. And it doesn’t have to be dirty! (Unless, you want it to be. *wink, wink* Hey, we’re married ladies! It’s ok! Hehe) Email me at WeddingNightBliss@yahoo.com if you’re abstinent and engaged, and would like to know more about these classes.

That brings me to the question at hand. Is teaching a soon-to-be wife how to have blessed married sex ungodly? Is it really blasphemous? I’m sure you can guess what my answer will be. I think it’s the very opposite of blasphemous. I think it’s a very Godly thing to do. I wouldn’t have created classes around this topic if I didn’t think so. From a logical stand point, I believe that anything that helps keep Christian marriages together is acceptable, and good in God’s eyes. But I also operate under the scripture Titus 2:4 which says that the older women should teach the younger women to love their husbands and children. A huge part of loving one’s husband is to be able to provide pleasing sex to him.

Now, I’m only 28, so I know I’m not older than every woman who is getting married, but I have been married for 5 years. That’s not long enough to know everything or even most things about marriage, but I do know how to make the transition from Virgin Bride to Married Sex Vixen. The way I see it, I’m older in “married years” than anyone getting married, so I take Titus 2:4 to heart! The bible also says to study to show thyself approved. (2 Timothy 2:15) It also says in all thy getting, get understanding. (Proverbs 4:7) It ALSO says that His people perish for a lack of knowledge. (Hosea 4:6) Well, I believe that these scriptures mean all areas of life; finances, marriage, parenthood and our married sex lives. But the bible doesn’t say how we should go about helping people get all this knowledge and understanding. So I figure that my classes are as good a way as any!

There you have it! Christian, sex classes are biblical! Well, at least mine are. I am blessed that God has given me the ability to talk to Christian women about sex (or not having sex, depending on if you’re married or not), with ease. My classes are fun, and make everyone feel very comfortable, which is the way it should be. We don’t need to be condemned with this “sex is bad,” mentality any longer. If you are a virgin or an abstinent woman who is engaged, please email me at WeddingNightBliss@yahoo.com so I can send you more information about my classes. And if you are a married woman who wants to help young wives have the blessed sex life that God intended, feel free to email me too! I’d love to hear your story, and give you information about the classes, so you can spread the word!

Driana with her husband.

Hello world! I’m Driana, The Blissful Wife. I am a stay at home mom to a beautiful baby girl, born September of 2011, and I married the man of my dreams in 2008. I’m a born and raised Christian gal, from Southern Cali. I’m the owner of Wedding Night Bliss, a series of 6 live, online classes that give Virgin Brides and Abstinent Brides the information they need to have a blissful wedding night and transition into the first year of married sex. Check out my blog, www.WeddingNightBliss.blogspot.com, or send me an email at WeddingNightBliss@yahoo.com if you’re a getting married and say hi!

This Pinterest pick of the week graphic from Love Infographics gives some stats on the cost of weddings these days and…crap! I wish I had a better term for what I felt inside reading it. But that’s all I got. In a down economy, you would think that wedding expenses wouldn’t still be all the way turned up, but they are.

The good thing about getting married is that the cost can actually be as low or as high as you want it to be. In this era of Pinterest wedding boards and Bridezillas and Four Weddings, its easy to believe that weddings need to cost you an arm and a leg, but the only unavoidable cost is that of the marriage license which is what, 25 bucks. I only know because my husband jokes occasionally about how “cheap” I was since he only had to pay $25 for me.

Did you have an extravagant wedding or just the basics? Do you ever wish you spent less or did something different?

By now I’m sure you’ve seen this video of the couple on Jay Leno having a ball at the gas pump. But I still had to share. I have nothing to add but bwahahahaha! If there’s one example of ways to have fun when you don’t have a lot of time in an unlikely place, this is it. Love this pair.

More couples are choosing to be married but live apart, and not because of a legal separation. According to USA Today, American couples are choosing in larger numbers to stay married but maintain separate addresses, largely due to work-related situations.

A growing number of married couples are living apart. It’s called the commuter marriage, and more than 3.5 million couples in the United States are doing it. That number has more than doubled since 1990, when the U.S. Census Bureau estimated that 1.7 million married couples were living apart for reasons other than a legal separation.

According to the article  the reasons behind commuter marriage are often fueled by the economy; people are happy to find jobs wherever they can. Other reasons cited include online dating–my guess is meeting people who have already established lives and careers elsewhere more often than when online dating was less of an option—and “a relaxing of social norms when it comes to marriage.”

Cell phones, Skype and social networking have made long distance relationships a little less painful than they were in days of letter-writing, so couples can keep in touch a little better than they could back in the days of old.

Although I think a long-distance marriage wouldn’t work for me, at least in the long run, people have been doing versions of this for years (think military spouses, long distance truck drivers etc.) with success, so I don’t know that it is impossible, just not something I would choose for the long haul. So much of our lives have traditionally revolved around where we are physically, friend circles etc., that it seems it would be hard to establish a life together if you didn’t at least start off sharing the same space.

To me, it seems like something that would be more effective with couples who had already been married for some time who didn’t have the added stress of child-rearing without the other parent. Not to mention, at some point maintaining two separate households seems like it would put a dent in the family’s income.

What do you think about commuter marriage? Have you ever tried it? Would you?

Sometimes as part of a pair, it can feel like having to stop to listen to someone else, or wait for them to catch up, or to take a detour down a path that your partner wants to travel can slow you down a little in life. It’s in these moments that we can look at our circumstances and say “I would get there faster by myself.”

But it is also in these moments that its important to remember that though you not always be able to sprint with someone else by your side, how much further you can travel with someone else’s support. He may not be able to run as fast, but he can help push you forward when you start to get tired. She may stop to smell the roses, but she can bring you back to the map when you get a little lost. Just a little bit of Monday Motivation to help you remember that its not always about getting off to a running start, but whether you’re able to make it to the end. It helps to have someone else there for support.

Do you ever feel like you can “move faster” without your spouse? How are you able to remind yourself otherwise?

My son fell off the monkey bars. And I let him.

The playground closest to our house combines two playgrounds; one for the “little” set, ages 1-5, and one for kids 6-12. Right around his fourth birthday, my son decided that the “little” playground was for “little” kids, and since he’s a big boy, the big playground is where he should be, most of the time anyway.

The big kid playground, however has things situated at a big kids height, so until his recent growth spurt he was far too little to do much of anything. Still, he’s always been drawn to one particularly high set of monkey bars, so to let him cross I would hold his torso as he swung.

The other day, however, as I went to grab his belly, he wanted none of my assistance. “I can do it myself!” he said.

I didn’t protest. Just stood close as he attempted to grab the first bar, knowing that when he fell, I would be there to catch him.

1…2..on bar three his grip started to look precarious. He reached for the fourth bar then brought his hand back as the other one struggled to take hold.

I was intentionally standing close enough to intervene. But I didn’t. Something in that moment said “let him fall.” For whatever reason my spidey senses didn’t scream “Imminent Death!!” In the way that they so often do. Maybe because at the bottom of the fall was a cushy sea of mulch instead of the asphalt that was so often at the bottom of our falls in the 80s. I swear playgrounds were designed to kill children born before 1990. Raise your hand if you played on asphalt and burnt your legs on metal sliding boards. Sit quietly if your playground had sand or (gasp!) mulch (you fancy huh?).

So I watched him dangle for a moment, lose his grip on one had, try to hold on with the other, and then give into the fact that there was nothing he could do but fall to the mulch below.

He did some combination land on his knee/thigh/forearm and belly.

“Owww!” He yelled. Still I did nothing. I didn’t pick him up or dust him off or even ask if he was okay. I just watched to see what he would do next.

After lying there for just a second, without looking my way he got up, dusted his pants and hands off, and climbed the ladder to attempt the monkey bars again. This time he made it to the fourth bar before he fell. And then got up and got back on again.

And fell again. But this time when he fell, and I let him, I noticed that his fall, and subsequent recovery was a lot smoother than the time before. As he moved across he realized that if he could figure out when to let go, he could better control the angle at which he fell. He understood that if he positioned his legs the right way, instead of falling on his body he could land on his feet, making it easier for him to get back to the task at hand.

He probably fell off of the same monkey bars six times before we left the playground that day, and although he got pretty far on his own by the time we left, he had yet to master getting to the other side. But he became an expert at the art of falling, and knowing how to get back up again.

My natural instinct is always to protect my children from pain, but if I never let them understand that pain doesn’t always mean destruction,  how will they get up, brush themselves off and try again when the pain is greater than a fall in mulch with mom nearby? The truth is that if you live long enough, you will reach for something and fall short. Sometimes the lesson happens as much in the pain of the fall and the will to recover as it does in the success of getting to the other side.

Love this quote from the Happy Wives Club. Great reminder that if you’re frustrated today not to throw in the towel and say, “its better to have loved and lost,” but to hold on tighter and keep on loving.

Today begins National Scree-Free week! Designed to help kids disconnect from screens and get families to spend time together, National Screen Week encourages families to shut down their devices as much as possible throughout the week.

I haven’t been able to get S entirely on board for shutting down everything for the week, so we’ve agreed to keeping the TVs off between the time we get home from work and the kids’ bedtimes. It’s a start

Today’s challenge is to find a time this week when you can make the commitment to disconnect. Turn off the television, shut down the tablet and laptop, maybe even silence your phone, and just focus on the people in your real life. Who knows, maybe you can get some of that old school thing called talking done.

Will you take part in National Screen Free week? Comment with when you’ll be offline and commit!

So forget about “success”, and just find joy, passion, love, awesome-ness right now, in this moment. *That* is a success you can achieve, without any self-help course, without any method. Just go out and do it.

Saw this quote on Zen Habits today and absolutely loved it. You should head over and read the rest of the post. Great perspective on the meaning of success and defining it for yourself.

What can you do today to stop being “successful” and start being “awesome?”

The other night, my husband and I were watching repeats of a show that features one of my favorite female celebs. Nine times out of ten, this particular woman looks fabulous, but she can be hit or miss. And this was a miss kind of night.

“I don’t like that top on her,” I thought. “It makes her look bulky and flat-chested.”

Five seconds later my husband had this to say. “You know what, you’re probably about her size.”

Friends and family, I can only conjecture as to what prompted S to say this. Likely because he’s heard me complain about trying to lose weight a time or two and chose somebody on T.V. to compare me to that was average size to make me feel better about myself. He had no way of knowing that the thought I had about this woman just prior to his comment was not positive and that the comparison had ignited just a tiny flame of anger within my soul.

“I don’t think we’re the same body type.” I said.

Dear men, this is the moment where you agree and bow out. Stop while you’re ahead.

He didn’t.

“I mean, you’re about the same size. You probably have about the same width shoulders.”

Silence.

Awkward silence.

Comparing your wife to another woman, any other woman, is not going to work out well. I know my husband didn’t say “you look bulky and flat-chested,” but in that moment, that’s what I heard. I don’t care if the words that leave your mouth are positive, the words that reach her ears are going to sound like something else. I could probably spend the rest of my life trying to make sense of this, but for the sake of time I won’t. I’ll just say that the next time you want to compliment your wife, just do it, and leave everybody else out of it.

Why is this a timesaver Tuesday? Because getting into an argument over being compared to another woman…in the words of Sweet Brown, Ain’t nobody got time for dat!

Men, do you steer clear of making comparisons? Women, do you mind being compared physically to other women? Who have you been compared to?