In honor of this month’s #ReadLove challenge, I’m posting the tweets that about marriage that made me smile this week. Here are my top 10:
“Remember to always tell me you love me but also show me that you really care, by your actions” Love is an ACTION verb! #Marriage
“Coming together is the beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success. #marriage”
What can I do right now – today – to BE loving even if I don’t FEEL loved? http://donotdisturbblog.com/2014/03/31/here-and-now/ … #Marriage #Healing
Progress always involves risks. You can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first ~ Frederick B. Wilcox #marriage
Sacrifice is a beautiful part of #marriage. The beauty shows up only after time – are you watching?
For Lent, I decided to embark upon a journey of de-cluttering my home through the 40 bags, 40 days challenge at White House Black Shutters. To be honest, I felt like I was pretty good at keeping clutter at bay, but as I’ve focused on getting rid of one bag of clutter each day, it’s brought to light how much I was still holding onto, and how much better my home looks and feels now that it’s gone.
Seriously, it’s been transformational. After Easter, I’ll share some pics of everything we’ve been able to do since the beginning of March. As we’ve gotten rid of a lot of the unnecessary junk, we’ve cleared the way for being able to focus on some of the little projects that we hadn’t gotten around to because of all of the clutter in the way.
I’ve also managed to uncover a number of pretty special things that had gotten shoved into a box, forgotten about and buried: art work that we purchased on our honeymoon, photos and picture frames that we’ve bought over the years, memorabilia from my oldest daughter’s baby years that was mixed in with years-old mail. It’s like going on an archaeological dig in my own closets and storage spaces, and as messy as it’s been to go through, I’m happy with the space we’ve created and excited by what I’ll find next.
Maybe you’ve started spring cleaning in your house, too.
But what about your marriage? How clutter free is your heart? Is cleaning up your love life long overdue? Is there a bunch of “stuff” between you and your spouse? There’s no time like the present to start spring cleaning.
April’s love challenge is to read something positive every day about marriage. Hopefully this will start the cleaning process by replacing some of the negative thoughts you have about your relationship with the positive.
To take your spring marriage cleaning a bit further, ask yourself a few questions to help you get started:
What issues have you swept under the rug and left there? Address your issues the right way with a fight plan.
Do you have things that you haven’t forgiven that are weighing your heart down every day? Throw Away the Past to Let Go of the Pain.
Do you have past loves or inappropriate relationships that you continue to keep in your circle? Clear Your House of Temptation
Have you placed distance between you and your spouse by putting other activities in place of your marital connection? Re-start your connection with a simple date night.
Try some of the activities above to get started with your spring cleaning. You’ll be amazed once you start dusting things off how quickly you’ll uncover the beauty waiting underneath of it all.
Get help spring cleaning your marriage! From Friday, April 4 through Tuesday, April 8 2014 you can download Making Love in the Microwave: A Busy Couple’s Guide to a Great Marriage for only 99 cents.
This month’s love challenge is to encourage yourself by reading a positive message about marriage each day. Recognize it or not, we are bombarded with negative information about marriage and relationships on a daily basis. To counteract the potentially damaging messages that threaten your happy home every day, you have to be pro-active in replacing them with the positive.
Are you in on the challenge? Comment and let us know! Don’t forget to share what you’re reading throughout the month on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram using #ReadLove. One challenge participant will win a small token of our appreciation.
Need a place to get started? Download Making Love in the Microwave: A Busy Couple’s Guide to a Great Marriage for just $2.99 today!
As my husband and I watch the whole The Wire series again from season one, I realize something that I’ve been ignoring for a long time.
We are in desperate need of a new TV show to watch together.
There are only a few television shows that fall into the category of watchable for the both of us. I’m typically tuned into a) criminal investigations like Snapped or The First 48 b)repeats of 90s sitcoms c) the occasional bad reality show.
Meanwhile, the only channel he really needs is the NFL network which he watches every day whether it’s football season or not. He veers off occasionally to fit in a network airing of The Godfather or Bad Boys, and then heads right back to football.
The Wire was the last show that we actually looked forward to watching together each week, and the last season of that aired in 2008. Since then we’ve bought the series on DVD and watched it from the beginning God knows how many times. Every time I watch it feels like the first time, but one of these days it will probably start to get old.
Outside of that, our mutual television interests include series that are just acceptable for both of us:
Law and Order SVU When in doubt, the elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit is there to save the day. If nothing else, this show is always consistent, and it’s pretty much always on. Although I don’t think they’ve ever fully recovered from the loss of my favorite television character with unresolved anger management issues, Detective Stabler, having to kind of guess “Who done it” (because if there’s a famous cameo, it’s always that guy) keeps us entertained for an hour.
Modern Family We’ve just started watching this show in syndication on USA. I wasn’t interested in it, and didn’t think he would like it, but when it’s good, it’s good, and we love it on the nights that we just need a laugh. My only issue is that I’m a bigger fan of the early episodes and for some reason it starts to lose me once Gloria has the baby, so there are only so many episodes that I want to watch.
Being Mary Jane So this is a show that I like and my husband begrudgingly (but not really because he likes it to but doesn’t want to admit it) watches. It’s chock full of lady drama which is why he probably wouldn’t call himself a fan, but when I’m watching it he sits next to me and doesn’t make me turn the channel.
Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives Hubs loves to cook, so he watches this show for inspiration, and I love to eat so I watch it for the food porn. We don’t catch it all the time, but when we do it’s always a win-win
Martin We watch Martin when nothing else is on because for us it doesn’t stop being an oldie but goodie. We’ve probably seen every episode 89 times and we still laugh like it’s the first time with most of them.
But we still don’t have a show that we both look forward to, and there was something fun about getting mutually excited to see what was next (and the occasional cheating that either of us would do by watching the episode ahead of time) and none of the recent shows have brought with them that Wire magic.
So what do you suggest? Is there a show that you and your spouse enjoy watching that we should check out? Please comment with your suggestions!
(P.S.—not if your suggestion is scandal. I just can’t get into it!)
My five-year-old has a level of confidence that sometimes I wish I could capture and bottle for myself. If you ever need to learn how to give yourself affirmations, just listen to the sentences he uses about himself on any given day.
“I’m going to be an artist someday. I’m the best artist ever.”
“I’m the fastest runner in the world.”
“I look awesome.”
Mind you, he has no proof of his running skill, art mastery or model-like appearance, other than his mom saying stuff like ‘who’s the cutest boy in the world!’ (…yeah I still do that). It’s just that at the age of five, he doesn’t have any reason to believe that he can’t do or be or look however he wants. In his little life, he’s had few experiences that would contradict his beliefs. Nothing has made him believe that he either can’t be something right now, or can’t be something someday.
I don’t know when that belief ends, but I know it doesn’t last long. Even at 14 I can tell that my daughter has a loose grip on what she believes she’s good at, and that she has let go of a few things she deems impossible.
And at 34? For most people my age, we’ve seen enough and experienced enough that we’ve determined where we’ll succeed and where we’ll fail; where we shrink and where we flourish. Our confidence is solid in some places, and non-existent in others, and in return, we’ve shrunk down a universe of possibilities to a tiny world that consists of only those we can see and feel. The thinking has gone from “you can be anything!” to “you maybe can be like 3 or 4 things.”
Being guided by experience is important. Knowing my limitations is why, unlike my 5-year-old, I know that jumping off of the back of the couch is generally a bad idea. But sometimes I define myself by those moments that told me “you can’t.” At times I have completely thought myself out of something I wanted because somewhere along the way I learned that I wasn’t good enough.
But what about when the decisions we’ve made about ourselves are wrong? How many times have we seen someone running a marathon who once thought she could barely run around the block? How often have we tried something we’ve always been afraid of to later say “that wasn’t so bad after all?”
For me, I learned early on that I wasn’t organized, and for a long time counted myself out of anything that required a lot of time management or organization skill. It wasn’t until about 5 years ago when I got serious about writing that I decided to push past that belief. In order to manage my family, my full time job, my blog and my freelance writing business, organization has to be at the root. And I’m doing a pretty good job of managing it all, if I do say so myself.
Today’s challenge is to recapture a little bit of that 5-year-old confidence. How did you feel about your abilities before the world told you otherwise? What was possible? Pick one thing, whether it’s baking a cake or running a 5k, that you’ve told yourself that you can’t do or that you aren’t good and decide that you will try it again with the confidence that you will succeed. You’ll probably end up surprising yourself along the way.
What “impossible” task will you try to achieve?
I’ve fallen off the wagon with my weekly round-ups, but this week I’m back to posting some of my marriage faves from around the web! Lots of good ones…
Happy marriage, defined by the Happy Wives Club
How can Christians keep from having all the babies? Sex Within Marriage puts the options out there
This couple gets real and talks separation and marriage fitness. MarriageMax
One Extraordinary Marriage gives six reasons to get cozy and cuddle up with your spouse.
Greet with a kiss, talk money early and many more Marriage Secrets from Women Who Know.
Zombie marriage? It may be better for you than you think. About Marriage
An Olsen gets engaged two weeks after her sister. This one didn’t play Michelle Tanner! The Cut
Read or written anything marriage-related this week? Share in the comments!
Image credit: shotsstudio / 123RF Stock Photo
Before we got married, just like many couples my husband (then boyfriend) and I used to go out all the time. Sometimes it would be a mutually-planned night out with friends, sometimes we would both be out doing our own thing and meet up, but most of the time he would call me and say “hey what are you doing tonight” and come pick me up and take me somewhere.
Then we got married. And had a baby. And then I got pregnant again which is my current situation. And although we still go out, the plans for going out usually go something like this.
Me: Let’s do something this weekend.
Him: Ok, what do you want to do.
Me: I’ll think about it (*gets caught up in 100 other activities, forgets about it, doesn’t find a babysitter, ends up renting a Redbox movie or going to Applebees)
On the surface, my husband asking “what do you want to do” isn’t wrong. It’s considerate, right? He’s willing to do whatever I feel like doing, which should be a good thing.
But I miss the days when he was the one who sometimes initiated and planned our outings. As a wife and mother I feel like I spend a lot of time managing less-than-exciting activities. So when it comes to the fun stuff, sometimes I don’t feel like planning. Sometimes just like all those years ago, I just want to sit back and be dated. I want to go out on a date that I don’t have to plan. I want to show up, dressed and ready to be driven.
So when he asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, I asked for just that. Well, maybe not in those words…
“I want to go out on a date! I want to feel like a real girl! Not a baby house.”
So from childcare to dessert, he made that happen. And that made me smile this week.
For all of my husbands out there, if you haven’t done it in a while, or aren’t in the habit of doing it, plan a date with your wife. You don’t have to do it all of the time, but there is something that even after years of marriage feels good about being dated. Not the “we can do whatever you feel like doing” dating, but the “I planned this because I like going out with you” kind of dating. Because deep down, even after babies, difficulties and everything else, we’re still the girls you met however long ago, and it feels nice to be reminded of that.
So pick a date within the next month, tell her to put it on her calendar, and start putting your plans into place.
Men, do you plan dates with your wives? Women do your husbands plan dates or do you do most of the planning?
Money, religion and politics; those three things we’re not supposed to talk about in “polite company.” Why? Because it’s way too easy to step on a toe with the wrong opinion and make the conversation go quickly South.
But what about when your company isn’t that polite? Specifically, how do you deal with talking about politics with your spouse. Is it possible to share the same bed when you don’t share the same political beliefs?
Most of the time my husband and I loosely agree on political issues. His views are typically a little more conservative than my own, but about 80% of the time we meet somewhere in the middle. And that other 20% of the time? We just debate it out and ultimately agree to disagree.
Whether we’re on the same page or in two different books all together, I like discussing politics with my husband. Not only does it give us a break from the usual talk cycle of kids, bills, work….repeat, it’s a safe space to share our real opinions on the issues without risking making real enemies. We get to debate, hear each other’s opinions, sometimes see an issue from a different vantage point, and only a time or two can I remember the debate spilling over into a real-life argument.
I don’t know how this would go if we were on complete opposite sides of the spectrum most of the time. However it seems that being able to weather a political storm can make couples stronger rather than pulling them apart. The 2012 Presidential Elections brought with it divides in quite a few households over candidates, and the divides continue with hot-button issues like the Affordable Healthcare Act.
Still it’s possible to keep a political divide from creating a marriage fracture. A few quotes from around the web speaking to being together in marriage while separate in political opinion:
“I’m not out to change his opinions. I don’t see this as a character flaw with him. He’s an adult and has had a lot of time to think things through. He had different life experiences.” Today
“In a healthy relationship, a difference in opinion does not define the relationship or erode it. It’s another puzzle piece to fit into the relationship as a whole.” CNN
Are your politics the same or different from your spouse’s? Do you discuss politics at home? How do you deal with differences in opinion?
Today is my birthday and Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras)! What better way to celebrate than to talk about my pregnancy weight gain and how I’m trying to keep the pounds down over the next nine weeks.